Life isn't fair for the ones who care ~

sexta-feira, 2 de setembro de 2011

I sincerely doubt that someone is going to read this but... I really don't care.
I just need to put a lot of things of my chest today.

You know when you feel like you gonna drown on your on thoughts?
That there's not tears enought for you cry everything that need.
That everybody is expecting something from you.
Needing something from you.

And like everytime... Give everything.

Give my heart, mind and soul for the ones that I love.
Give my everything, even tho that isn't not good enought...
Is never good enough.

I'm never good enough for anybody.
At least that is how feel... I feel like... I'm choking.
I always wonder why am I not good enough?
What did I made to always be treated like a second choice...

For everybody.

And... I never had an awnser... Never.
Always the second child to be loved.
Always the second best friend.
Always the second choice when someone is single.
Always the second...

Maybe because of that I don't expect too much from the future.
I always try so hard... So hard to be good.
To be a good daughter.
To be a good friend.
To be a good girlfriend.

Thats me... Always trying so hard...
And never having an awnser...
Always in the dark. Always alone.

I can't even remember how many tears I have lost because of people.
Trying to make everything right. Trying to make everybody happy.
And what did I earned? Nothing.

To even a single thank you for trying so hard.

More I try... More people expect from me.
Maybe that's why I locked myself.
Maybe thats I don't like show my feelings.

Maybe thats why I don't know anymore to show how much someone means to me.

I just... Give up. People like to hurt.
And I am so done of getting hurt.

I think that if I could ask for something right now...
I would ask to desappear. To be become star dust in the night sky.

Everybody wants to know am I locked, so shut to myself.
Well thats why. I close myself because I know I will become always the second choice.
I know that I always will be the diposable one. The meanless one.
So I hardly let people come close enough for me to care for that.

People can be really mean, believe me.

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